Friday, January 24, 2020

Searching For Our Life Purpose


Life’s Purpose
Throughout our lives we endlessly search for our life purpose.  But what if daily life is all part of that purpose.  Learning from all the small and big lessons thrown at us every day.  What if it’s the little things we do every day that make up our life purpose.  What if your purpose is making people’s life better by:
Smiling at a stranger who may need it.
Letting someone get in front of you in line.
Hold the door open for the person behind you.
Roll your neighbor’s trash can up the driveway.
Pick trash up on your walk.
Send someone a card just because.
Be patient with someone who needs it.
Donate items you don’t use to shelters.
Donate to food drives.
Donate your time to pet adoption agencies or any other agency of your choice.
Do better with staying in touch with friends.
Offer a hug to someone who needs it.
Offer a listening ear.
Don’t complain.
Don’t judge.
Don’t criticize.
Our world would be a much better place and people would be happier if we all worked on this Life Purpose one day at a time instead of spending our entire life searching for it.



Monday, January 20, 2020

I Am A Warrioress

I never needed a hero to save me.
I needed a warrior to ride next to me.
Anything less will not do.
He gets intimidated by my strength.
Then proceeds to tear me down to his level;
Instead of raising his bar and rising to the challenge.
Nothing less than a warrior will do.

Friday, December 20, 2019

The Day I Died


One day I woke up and my life as I knew it existed no more.  There was no heartbeat or breath in the shell left behind. 
I was no longer a wife,
I was no longer a lover,
I was no longer a daughter 
I was no longer a care-taker,
I was no longer a sister,
I was no longer a mother,
I no longer had a career.
All the roles that defined me had all dissolved and disappeared one by one.  They were all taken from me without much notice all within a short span of time. Too many losses to manage simultaneously. My self-identity, the person I knew myself to be had disappeared. An empty shell of a being remained. The pain was unbearable.  I became a shadow of myself. A shadow without meaning, explanations, or understanding. Only pain sensors remained. The excruciating pain of abandonment, pain of being discarded and forgotten, not being needed, not worth loving were felt throughout this shell. Thoughts echoed in the emptiness of my soul.  My broken heart howled loud cries of loneliness, emptiness, and pain. The screams traveled the earth, our solar system, dissipating into or galaxy. I floated through life aimlessly; no direction, no goal, no aim, no beginning, no end, and no will.  As time passed, my heart continued to orchestrate a concert with the instruments of fury, agony, sorrow, darkness, and mourning. I could no longer fight death; surrendering was needed to find my reasons for survival.  Surrendering was part of my life purpose.  Goodbye, my friend. Will I ever see you again?  Will you ever trust again?  Will you ever love again?

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

I Was But Who Will I Be


Once upon a time I knew who I was.  My roles were clear.  I was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, but most importantly I was a caretaker. I took care of those that I loved.  I loved and took care of my children.  I  took care of a sister and mother since I was 18 years old when my father passed away.  I loved and cared for my partner, my lover.  I worked hard to make ends meet and always tried to keep everyone happy.  It seemed that everyone was in their own world and demanded my help or care regardless of the limited hours that a day holds.  I was exhausted and spread thin.  I needed to take time to take care of me.  Suddenly, everyone was gone and I was alone.  For the first time in my life, there was no one to take care of.  Who am I now?  What are my roles now?

Monday, August 6, 2018

Without Warning


Without warning, one day I fell in love.
I loved like I had never before.
I trusted fully, never my strong point.
I believed without questioning. 
I considered myself lucky to have found this love.
He made me feel loved; He made me feel special;
He made me feel beautiful; He made me feel happy;
He made me feel strong; He made me feel safe;
He made me feel I mattered; He made me feel needed;
He made me feel full of life.
Without warning, he broke my heart; He made me hurt;
He made me sad; He made me feel pain;
He made me feel unfit; He made me feel unwanted;
He made me feel weak; He made me feel unnoticed;
He made me feel replaceable; He mad me feel unattractive;
He made me feel undeserving; He made me feel broken.
Without warning, he was gone.

Looking Back


Was I so desperate for love? 
Why would I cover up and lie about the bruises, 
welts across my back and legs, bloody lips, cuts, and black eye?
Maybe, I needed to believe they were accidents.
Maybe, I needed to believe it was my own fault.
Maybe, I just needed to believe that my mother would never want to hurt me.

Masters



Narcissist baffle my mind at how good they are at what they do.
They are master destroyers of lives.  They all seem so similar, as if they
were all trained by the Master of masters.
Their similarities include how they find their prey.
Their victims seem to also share the same story with each other.
Victims can be continents apart and yet have the same torturous stories to tell of life with a narcissist.  It is as if each and everyone one had experienced the abuse from the same narcissist.
How can all these horrible individuals be so alike without ever having met?
How can the damage they all cause be so similar among all victims?
How can they hide their horrible manipulations so well?
Is there one Grand Master orchestrating them all?